And then we were four
‘When will you try for baby number two?
‘When will you give Georgia a brother or sister?
‘You can’t possibly have an only child!
How many of us have heard those words, hearts sinking, not sure if we should explain our situation or respond with ‘oh we’re one and done’ or something similar? Its heart wrenching.
My daughter Georgia born 5 weeks early, was in the NICU, still less than a week old and I had already been asked all of these. ‘I don’t even know if I like this one yet’ I’d joke. I had just been told that Georgia, would likely be my only child having been diagnosed with Sheehan’s Syndrome, more commonly known as postpartum hypopituitarism. I was attempting to come to terms with that meant for my future health and processing the trauma of my daughter’s birth while running back and forth to the NICU.
I don’t remember much of my labour, Georgia’s birth or the days that followed but I know how lucky I was to be diagnosed 5 days postpartum and start on the correct hormone replacements.
In the months that followed, my Endocrinologist confirmed my fears that falling pregnant again naturally would never happen. I was told categorically that there would be no miracles to fall pregnant naturally however fertility treatment might be an option. My Endocrinologist was fantastic and when my symptoms were stable, after 12 months, he referred me to see a fertility specialist. I was nearing 37 so I knew I needed to get on with it.
Roughly 9 months later, me and my husband Robert, met with a specialist fertility nurse. She had never heard of Sheehan’s Syndrome, so despondently, we made our way to see the Consultant. Despite her knowledge of Sheehan’s Syndrome, it is so rare she had never treated anyone with it and counselled us not to get our hopes up if we wanted to pursue things further. Treatment would involve Intrauterine insemination (IUI) where sperm are placed directly into a woman's uterus. It’s basically artificial insemination.
Before going to that first appointment Robert and me had agreed we would take things as far as we could as Georgia was now asking for a sibling, adding more pressure. I vividly remember him saying he felt he didn’t want to be having another child at 40.
So, 2 months before my 39th birthday and many tests and procedures later we got to start treatment. Before the IUI can take place we had to find the correct dose of the different medications needed to make me grow follicles and to ovulate. I met with the fertility nurses 3 to 4 times a week to be scanned for progress before being sent home to administer the medication subcutaneously. I quickly became a pro at injecting myself in my abdomen.
We tried for 3 months without IUI, just the medication, the ‘old fashioned way’.
With these unsuccessful and me becoming unwell from the medications and stress, we took a 3 month break while I waited for a pituitary MRI. The break really helped and with the green light to continue, we attempted our first round of IUI, it was unsuccessful,l as was the second round. We initially thought we would get 3 rounds of IUI funded on the NHS, although we were later told that because I responded well to the medication we would in fact get 6 rounds. However, we were becoming increasing ready for it to be over, so we came to the difficult decision that round 3 would be the end of our fertility journey.
So, the day after Robert’s 40th birthday we headed to our 3rd and final round of IUI. 14 days later I was due to test, but I didn’t feel pregnant, I didn’t feel anything and so I put off testing for a few more days. Nervous and terrified I took a pregnancy test and ….nothing, it hadn’t worked.
But… I tested again, just to be sure and fast forward a few hours later and I was holding an extremely surprising but longed for positive pregnancy test. I was equal parts excited and terrified, and now the real challenge of keeping me pregnant began.
And then we were four
Ours is a happy story, James now 20 months, born via planned C-section, following an extremely well managed pregnancy. I can’t thank my Fertility Specialists, my Obstetrics and Endocrinology teams enough, they were all excellent throughout and I will be forever grateful.
As it happened, that 3rd round of IUI would have likely been our last despite our decision, as the global Coronavirus pandemic hit quickly devastating all aspects of the healthcare system.
James is our little miracle after all.
Here are some things I wish I had known and I hope they help you too
You are not greedy for wanting another child, primary and secondary infertility are just as devastating
You don’t have to explain your situation to anyone, but it does help to talk
You are not alone, infertility is common; affecting 1 in 8 couples, 50% of all cases attributed to secondary infertility
There are multiple causes of infertility, there is no ‘one size fits all treatment’, it can be trial and error
Treatment may need to continue if you do become pregnant to maintain the pregnancy
It can be painful both physically and emotionally; the numerous scans, procedures and examinations take their toll
It’s incredibly time consuming, if you are in employment, check if there is an HR policy on supporting you through fertility treatment as you many need to be at the clinic multiple times per week over many months
Your BMI needs to be within a healthy range to start and continue treatment
Find a rhythm that works for you, for example try treatment every other month if every month gets too much
Take a break if you need it, you need to be in the right frame of mind to continue
Don’t let fear be the reason you don’t try
Finally, I hope our story gives hope or provides better understanding on what you can expect should you embark on fertility treatment. Love and best wishes from my home to yours.