My bottle feeding journey

I didn’t produce any milk to breastfeed. I now know that this is one of the red flags for Sheehan’s Syndrome. I saw countless doctors, midwives, consultants and GP’s and not one of them mentioned that Sheehan’s Syndrome could be a possibility.

It’s utterly heartbreaking when you don’t have milk to breastfeed.

I saw two lactation consultants, spoke to any midwife who would listen - some were more interested than others- and questioned the consultants. I heard over and over that I had lost a lot of blood and that my milk would be delayed. In fact my pituitary gland had been damaged by the blood loss. The hormone Prolactin had taken a battering and was no longer functioning properly. The milk didn’t arrive.

At the time I wept daily. I grieved the loss of the chance to experience feeding my daughter. I cried so much I was flagged for postnatal depression. I explained I was just sad I couldn’t feed my baby and people seemed to understand and accept this.

My daughter is now two. She loves milk. When she is poorly or teething she asks for it over and over. One of her favourite things is milk, from a bottle with me. We cuddle quietly together. We built something else instead and she doesn’t know any other way. To her, this is perfect.

I can really empathise with the pain of not being able to feed your baby if that is what you desperately want. I can also say that from experience it’s okay not to breastfeed. Perhaps a different experience than the one you had imagined, but it still has the potential to be equally as special for you both.