There was very little support or information around maternal pituitary conditions. I was told I would be the only woman in the UK with this, so I felt isolated. Sadly, because of my traumatic experience and hormone deficiencies, I developed depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I was diagnosed with Sheehan’s Syndrome 9 months later.

I started running some blood tests with my GP and OBGYN. They both came back saying everything seemed “normal”. On a whim, I sent my blood results to my husband’s cousin and a close friend who was a starting physician at the time. He looked at my results and called me while I was at work. I will never forget this conversation. He had put the puzzle pieces together: my hemmorage, the lack of ability to breastfeed, and now the lack of a menstrual cycle. “Your pituitary hormones are low. I think you may have Sheehan’s Syndrome”.

I noticed that I had started to feel quite unwell about 9 months after giving birth. I had lost my sex drive, my skin was dry, nails breaking, l was gaining weight and generally felt urgh. I realised my hair was coming out in clumps. (You can see on one of the pics with my hair back and sun glasses on.) And when I stopped and took a breath, I noticed that my NCT gang were full of the energy that I didn’t have - they were planning group runs up hills with newly bought running prams, whilst I was having trouble walking up the hill - I was shattered.

I came around in the recovery room, and this for me was when the nightmare started. I had no idea what happened, I thought something was wrong with the baby. Nobody would tell me anything. Finally, I was brought back to the room and reunited with my partner and son. Then it hit me, and I felt awful. Tired, weak, heavy and disorientated.

“I was exhausted, sore and failing. I was hand expressing, syringe feeding then topping up with a cup and it still wasn’t good enough. Two and a half days later they brought in the expressing machine to try and get my breasts to produce more. It was industrial size and bigger than any of the machines I had in induction. They told me I would need to be on it for 8 hours a day to stimulate my supply. I burst into tears.”

I’m so grateful to those who donated their breastmilk as that gave him a great start while we were figuring out what was happening with my body & researching formula.

She explained that I was experiencing overactive let down. I now know that this is a fairly common issue in the first 4-6 weeks as the woman’s body gets used to how much milk to produce and will usually settle down, however at the time I wasn’t given any additional information. I was told that as my milk was flowing too quickly, and my son was premature, that he couldn’t keep up with the flow so he was essentially struggling to breathe or swallow.

I tried to put my breastfeeding demons to behind me in the early weeks, but they kept coming back to me every time I went to a baby group or bumped into friends who could breastfeed. There was and still is, a huge stigma attached to formula feeding and it really ground me down.

There is too much judgement and expectation around feeding babies. We can’t always know the full story and there are many reasons why parents might choose to bottle feed rather than breastfeed. Support is essential, whether that’s to pursue breastfeeding or to embrace bottle feeding.

‘When will you try for baby number two?

‘When will you give Georgia a brother or sister?

‘You can’t possibly have an only child!

How many of us have heard those words, hearts sinking, not sure if we should explain our situation or respond with ‘oh we’re one and done’ or something similar? Its heart wrenching.

The isolation and vulnerability of living with such a rare condition that the regular person has no idea what it is. I have given up trying to explain, as within a few words their eyes tend to glaze over, or comment "well you look fine". It's isolating and can be frightening at times.

If you have items in your wardrobe that don’t fit you, get them out of there! Pop them away for now as it won’t make you feel good looking at clothes that don’t fit.

I knew something was wrong, but my Health Visitor was unhelpful, stating women in Africa could feed their babies so I could too.

During the pandemic, and whilst on maternity leave, I wrote a book. Before you eye-roll, I am not that type of person. I am not Type-A, I do not have my shit together, I am not even attempting to have it all. What I am trying to do, is highlight the chasm that represents our postnatal care – and, hopefully, provide a helping hand to other postnatal women.

I did a quick Google search and within minutes I was in tears on the phone with Troy saying that I figured it out. I made an appointment with my OB doctor to ask her what the possibility of me having Sheehan’s Syndrome. The look on her face was like she had seen a ghost.

Are you having difficulty breastfeeding due to no or very little milk? Read Claire’s story and how bottle feeding became a special time for both her and her baby, and two years later, it still is.

Have you received negative comments about bottle feeding? Jenn believes there needs to be a shift in attitudes. A focus instead on what is best for each individual baby and mother.